HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP
18 October, 2018
They say love is like a drug. In fact, that is very close to the truth. Falling in love makes your brain produce Dopamine; the same feel-good chemical responsible for happy vibes from eating a chocolate bar, or being praised for succeeding at something. Falling in love, whether it be fast or slow can be one of the most consuming yet amazing things we go through in life.
So what happens when we break up?
Its not just the pain from the sudden drop of Dopamine, its the feelings of loneliness, having to change habits we’ve carefully cultivated over whatever span of time, suddenly overnight, and then there’s the little doubtful voice in your mind that whispers ‘Will I ever find anyone as ‘good” or ‘Will die alone, cold and unloved?’
I’ve recently broken up with a man who I thought may have been my forever…. I was wrong.
So instead of wallowing in self pity and being drowned by feelings of sadness, I’ve decided to pick myself up by my bootstraps and have come up with Four things to remember (call them affirmations if you like) that will help to move past the pain and back into love (or at least healing!)
If you’re going through a similar situation, I hope these thoughts help you too.
1. Remember the reasons you broke up in the first place.
At the beginning, its very easy to forget why things ended in the first place. Regardless of whether you made the break or where broken up with, this little thing called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’ creeps in and makes you doubt your decisions.
In my case, I tend to only remember the good times. After all, that’s what I lived for in this particular relationship. I think about how many laughs we had, how well we fit together in our daily banter, how attracted I was to them and also how I’m now going to miss out on living future activities with them.
For me, this is the hardest. I think about camping (for example) and how much I enjoy it and how we were planning to go when the weather warmed up. Now we’ll never get to do that.
So before you go reaching for the phone to make contact, remember the reasons you broke up. Remember how they made you miserable the last time you did try to do something fun together. Remember how they were so unwilling to compromise. Whatever the reasons, just think back to them and you’ll stop doubting your decisions.
Closing a door opens a window. Give yourself the chance to find true happiness..
2. Remember your self-worth
Have a link about the kind of relationship you want. Think about how you know you deserve to be treated and why you know you’re better off finding someone who will treat you properly.
I know it sounds like a cliche ‘find someone who will treat you properly’ but its a cold, hard fact that even though we love them, some people just don’t do the right thing…. or, are unable to.
That doesn’t mean you should be treated in a way that makes you unhappy, feel bad about yourself, start doubting your decisions or opinions or made to lose sight of the goals you set for yourself before you were in this relationship.
If someone is dragging you down and slowly killing your spirit, let them go.
If the one you love doesn’t treat you well, as hard as it may be, let them go.
If someone doesn’t see the damage they are causing (and doesn’t want to see), let them go.
Remember your self-worth and know that you deserve love and to be treated properly.
3. Focus on YOU
Take this time to focus inward and make some self improvements. Sure, get your hair cut, buy a new outfit, join the gym or start a new hobby but whatever it is you choose to do, make sure its something that will benefit you in both the short and long term.
For me, this is always throwing myself into my creativity and work. Its something I love and something I know will benefit me now and into the future. So I updated my website, cleaned out my to-do lists and simplified my goals for the next 3, 6 and 12 months. Doing this gives you something new to focus on and is an excellent and positive distraction from heartbreak.
4. You WILL love again
At the very core of being human is the need to connect with others, feel valued and to be loved. When this is suddenly ripped away from us, its very easy to feel that you will never find anyone ever again.
This simply isn’t true.
As long as you continue to walk your path with an open heart and have love within you then yes, you absolutely will find love again.
It may take some time, but it will happen.
After all, relationships are there to teach us, help us grow as people and get ready for the next amazing love that is out there somewhere, waiting for you.
I know I will love again and I won’t stop looking until I find it. I hope you do the same.
Lots of warm hugs from me to you.